By Tina Lam

Set in a future dystopian world where corrupt aliens trade off alien babies as goods,  “Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator” effectively captures your attention right off the bat with its satirical and dark humor. A baby trading simulator? Most people would hear that premise and immediately take off! I mean, what exactly is the appeal of a game where you trade off babies, right? But that’s exactly where the fun begins. Now, I know I might be a bit biased as a sci-fi geek who loves numbers. But trust me, there’s something for everyone in this game.

Right from the start, the game greets you with an unsettling warning: “Please take a break from playing and speak to someone you trust.” Yep, that’s creepy. And the distorted electronic music doesn’t really help either. But I can admit that it only made me more interested in what this game had to offer.  

While you start the game as a novice trader, trading regularly can help you level up and unlock new portraits and titles. Portraits function as your profile picture, while titles act as unlockable achievement-based labels. Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator lets players buy and sell alien babies across seven different planets. When you click on a planet to invest in, you’re given a short description of its backstory, along with the average stock price, and entry fee. You can then select from four different babies to trade, all of whom look … strange, yet weirdly adorable. 

You also get a prediction of the baby’s likely future (For example, on the right of your screen it will say: Likely event: Public obscenity, 6% chance). From this menu, you can choose your trading stakes. They range from x1, x5, to even x25!  Trading stakes are essentially risk multipliers. They determine how much money you will risk in a trade and how much you can potentially lose. Choosing x1 is the best option for newbies who are just trying to get a feel of the game. It will help you learn the system without risking too much money. Choosing x25, on the other hand, is a very high-stakes move. This is because choosing this option means that your profits and losses are multiplied by 25, significantly increasing the reward as well as the risk. And get this, you can even hire consultants to investigate the baby’s projected long-term value. Of course, you will have to pay them a cut of what you gain. Nothing in this galaxy is free.  

Alien babies are treated like stocks. Players buy them at their lowest price and analyze their stock position to sell them before their stock values drop. You essentially watch the alien baby’s future unfold, with their worth rising or falling based on absurd scenarios. For example, if the baby was caught stealing military supplies, then there would be a red tab at the top signaling that its value will drop. This is a sign for you to probably sell the stocks before its value gets too low. But what if that same baby joins an intergalactic sports league? Its value skyrockets. 

I have to say, as a teen unfamiliar with the stock market, I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to play the game. It’s simple really: buy the baby at its lowest price and sell it when you think its value has reached its peak to make profit. The key is to not be greedy. Wait too long and the value crashes before you can even react. 

The first time I played Space Warlord,  I felt like ripping out my own hair. I mean, I made so many avoidable rookie mistakes that cost me so much money! When I first saw the baby’s value drop, I immediately felt anxious and sold too early. Seeing the price skyrocket just a few seconds later felt like watching my own blood pressure rise. Was this game frustrating? Absolutely. But it also felt like a genuine learning experience that taught me how to time myself and also control my emotions at the same time. (That’s probably key to investing in the real-life stock market, too.) I guess you could say that my beginner mistakes were just skill issues. 

And then there are the ridiculous deaths. Seriously, the way that these alien babies die is simply absurd (but also hilarious). I mean, struck by lightning? Come on, I thought aliens were invincible! And did I mention that sometimes there will be an interference warning that blocked my screen from seeing the stock values of the baby? That honestly had me rolling my eyes at times, even though I know it was a purposeful design of the creator to reinforce the idea that sometimes you have to be prepared to enter something blind. 

All in all, I can’t just sit here and lie and say this game didn’t have my heart racing. The eerie soundtrack had me tense, and seeing the baby’s actual heart organ visibly beating on the side of my screen just intensified the feeling. At times, I didn’t even feel like I was the observer trading. I felt so completely immersed into this game that I was reacting to every rise and drop of the baby’s value as if it was my own life on the line.

Indie studio Strange Scaffold did an incredible job of creating this game, and I can see that a lot of work was put into every detail. My favorite part of is definitely its bizarre humor that borders between super funny and just plain messed up. I loved the whole glitchy cyber-tech aesthetic and how beautifully weird the whole experience was. The warped electronic music soundtrack was just another element of tension, as it was always reminding me that things could go wrong at any time. The colors of the game didn’t clash or strain my eyes. That’s surprising because, whenever I play a game for too long, I usually end up with a headache.  

Yes, trading babies is definitely a bizarre concept. But somehow this amazing team managed to execute it nearly perfectly. They have fully committed to its weirdness while still making the game feel immersive and unforgettable.

Tina Lam, one of the Circle’s newest interns, is a sophomore at Baruch College Campus High School.

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