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By Zechariah Guzman

We all have that one thing in our childhood that we hold dear to our heart. A thing that pulls you into a world of nostalgia the moment it resurfaces into your senses. It’s a thing that you may have changed your relationship with over time. But mainly, it will always represent the bliss of being a kid. For me, that thing–that nostalgia–is the game Minecraft. 

For as long as I can remember Minecraft has always had some influence in my life. I can vaguely recall the start of it. It was sometime around the age of seven––so first grade ––when I was introduced to the concept of the game. During recess friends would roleplay as if they were in the game. Characters like Steve and Alex, or mobs like the Zombie and skeleton would be the basis of their decisions and actions in a given scenario. At this time I didn’t have Minecraft. I didn’t know it was a game, either. All I knew was that everyone loved the game enough to want their world and the world of the game to be one in the same.

It was around a year later on Christmas Day when I received the holy grail of my childhood. It was in a recognizable shape, wrapped in gift paper. I knew it was a game; I just didn’t know for certain which one. When I ripped through the wrapping paper and laid eyes on it, I went into a psychotic breakdown level of joy. It was an amazing thing. It was Minecraft for the Xbox 360. 

The problem was that I didn’t have a console to play it on. Then I realized, looking at the last large present under the tree. It was a match.  Excitedly, I opened that too, and there it was–the missing piece to the puzzle–the Xbox 360. That night, my older sister and I stayed up and played it until bed time. In the morning, we played again, the day after, and the day after that. We would be on it so long that we both would forget to eat and my mom would say “You must be full off of the game” or “You’ve been eating the game all day.” It was a cycle for my sister and me. Wake up, go to school, eat, play Minecraft, eat again (maybe), then sleep. 

We would usually only play in creative mode. My sister never liked playing in survival (mode) since it was easier to build whatever we imagined. Unlimited and unrestricted access to the full catalog of blocks opened a gateway to infinite possibilities. It enabled my creative mind. From mansions to remakes of our favorite game locations, we did it all. Some things that I remember us building were a close replica of our house in the game, a large scale town in our superflat world, the Attack Titan (from Attack on Titans), and a McDonalds with a drive-through. We would have railroad tracks spanning from one build to another and connect them in large expansive sky builds, structures that magically floating above the Minecraft world. I loved it. It was beautiful, and it got me away from the naturally spawning mobs below, too.

The Xbox 360 wasn’t the only system I played it on. When I wanted to play alone, there was the PSP (PlayStation Portable). I loved his console for its practicality – and most importantly. access to Minecraft anywhere I went. At one point, I had gotten the Minecraft pocket edition, which was the mobile version. The last system I really poured my love into was the Xbox One. By this time I stopped playing Creative Mode, since I hadn’t been playing with my sister and solely played Survival Mode. Unlike my sister and her playstyle, I began to like the resource management, the overall risk, and the ability to get achievements in Survival Mode. This mode however, allowed for one of my biggest fears in the game––dying and losing my entire inventory in a location I couldn’t find. 

This exact thing happened to me. 

While traveling across my Minecraft world looking for resources, I jumped off a cliff into what I perceived to be a lake. I didn’t die because I missed the water. I had calculated the distance beforehand. But the frost walker enchantment on my armor which had the core function of  turning the water into ice was activated. What I thought would be water—to negate fall damage—did the exact opposite. In that instance I recall: the sound of my character hitting the ground; the loot I had worked so hard to gain, dispersed around where I landed; And then, I saw the dreaded red hued screen with “YOU DIED!  Fell from a high place.” It was front and center on the TV.

My heart sank, I didn’t know what to do. In a moment of desperation I turned off my console hoping that the game didn’t save. But it did. So I chose to do the only thing I could think of in my panicked state. I changed the game to Creative Mode. Even with this change, I couldn’t find the loot that I dropped after my death. At the time, I didn’t realize what I valued most about the survival Minecraft experience. It wasn’t the loot I lost. It was the feeling of satisfaction after every advancement I had made to my world. It was the sense of accomplishment I felt when I completed a new achievement. And I gave it up the moment I clicked “yes” to a popup that read the “Are you sure? This game mode takes away achievements.” 

I will never forget crying over that world I ruined. My time, passion – my baby. It was gone. 

I had to take a long break from the game after that. I needed to reevaluate my life before going back to it. And when I did eventually go back to the world, it didn’t feel the same. Losing what gave me a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment made me detach from the world. It was like getting over a break up. The connection I once had ceased to exist, and I was forced to create a new world or my connection to Minecraft itself would fade away with it. I learned a lot about myself that day. I learned that something as simple as achievements in a world, in a game, could have such a profound impact on me. And two, I realized I can feel deeply connected to something when I pour my time and emotions into it. 

But once that spark is lost, it cannot be reignited. 

The whole entire community of the game is one I love. The YouTubers who I grew up on – like PopularMMOs, SSundee, Itsfunneh and Dantdm to name a few – were a key part of my life and a major reason for my love of the game. Minecraft was my creative outlet, my peaceful getaway, my happiness. Even now, when I hear the soft cadence of the C418 soundtrack, I am reminded of the feeling I felt growing up. The game holds so much value to me and I hope that it continues to hold value for others. Sometime soon, I want to take time to reignite my passion for Minecraft. To Create again, build again; on a new world, on my new console, to reignite what will always be there, again.

Zechariah Guzman, from the Bronx’s TAPCo School, is the NY Videogame Critics Circle’s newest intern.

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